I had an unusual experience the other day leading a SPAR group. We had a new guy there who I will call Craig. Craig did something amazing. He managed to totally avoid every opportunity that was given to take off any of his masks. He was given multiple opportunities to share a need, confess a sin, or even imply that he doesn’t have it all together. He fiercely resisted all of them.Effortlessly. It was a sight to behold.

Was Craig silent the entire 90 minutes? Not at all. He was a chatterbox. He shared 3 mini-sermons and boasted about his near-perfect marriage. The other men? They courageously took off the mask, humbled themselves, and declared their need for God. And God showed up for these men.

Usually a first timer will be fearful at the beginning of a SPAR meeting, but not for long. Why? Because he sees a group of powerhouse, real men being gut-level honest about their lives and relationships. This transparency is contagious. Newbies, 99% of the time, will take a crack at vulnerability. And they get a taste of freedom as their reward. But Craig was a different breed. He appeared to have the life that every man dreams about.

After the meeting was over, I was in shock. I had never seen a man so skillfully avoid being real and transparent. He had taken mask-wearing to a level that I had not seen in over 15 years of leading SPAR. My head was spinning as I walked to the parking lot and got into my car.

The drive home was painful. I had a disturbing thought: What if he was right? What if there is more value in avoiding the painful reality of life? What if we should focus on all of the good stuff in our life? What if his way of relating to others is what all of us should be doing?

The huge smile on Craig’s face sure did look convincing. Maybe he is a humble man who just happens to know God in ways that we don’t. I was open and curious about this newcomer.

And then I did what I always do: I went back to the basics of God’s word.  Genesis 3:10 tells us what man’s biggest problem is:

“I was afraid because I was naked, and so I hid.”

It took only a few seconds to come out of my spiritual slumber. I knew this scripture to be true, but I just had to see it in black and white once again.

Man’s greatest problem is HIDING.

Craig was hiding whether he knew it or not. He was hiding because of the fear in his heart. And this fear was simply the emotional response of the dastardly monster that all of us will face today. The monster called shame. Genesis 3: We see our nakedness, become afraid, and we hide.

We all do it. As I was driving home that night it hit me like a sledgehammer: I am Craig. He is no different than me. We are both weak men who easily allow pride to dictate our actions every day of our lives. I cannot judge Craig for I am him. And you are too.

The good news is that we can make the painful choice of humbling ourselves before God and others. That is what I love about SPAR. I get to watch men come to Jesus and find freedom to be the husband, dad, and leader they are called to be.

The spiritual work of leading men like Craig is not easy. In fact, there are days every week when I am strongly tempted to give up and go back into doing non-relational ministry. But I can’t give up. Why? The joy is worth the struggle. Here are 7 reasons why I will endure the pain of removing my mask and helping other men do the same.

Reason #1  Confessing sin always leads to spiritual transformation.

James 5:16 gives us the iron-clad guarantee that if we speak out loud our past sins to others, we will be healed.

Reason #2  Other men are given the faith and courage to remove their mask.

Vulnerability is contagious. Why is this so? Because all of us have a God-given, burning desire to come clean and be real. The only thing needed is one courageous man to go first.

Reason #3  A man can finally get to the spiritual root issue.

It is amazing how a man can walk into SPAR with a marriage problem, and then walkout of SPAR without a marriage problem. How does this happen? He realizes the problem is himself and not his wife, and then he allows God to set him free from himself.

Reason #4  A forever brotherhood is forged.

A man who has a few true brothers is a very wealthy man. Few men in the church have this treasure. And the only way to build your tribe is by taking off all of your masks. There are no short-cuts to creating genuine masculine community. 

Reason #5  New Testament ministers are developed.

True ministry and disciple making begin once each man has become spiritually naked.

It is impossible to minister to a man whose mask is intact.

I’ve watched many men develop into world-changing ministers of the gospel simply by being an active part of a SPAR group for a few years.

Reason #6  Marriages and families are restored and strengthened.

This is why we SPAR! It is all about helping men overcome the pride and shame that is keeping them from loving their wives and children. This one thing makes all of the pain and effort worth it.

Reason #7 We do NOT have a choice in the matter.

There is too much at stake in the church today. We must run a rescue mission for isolated men in the church. Men who wear zero masks are healthy men. Healthy men make for a healthy church. And the world needs a healthy church today.

I hope Craig comes back to SPAR. If I know one thing about Craig, it’s that his deep heart earnestly hungers to have true brothers in his life. And, the shame causing his hiding is producing a ton of pain. The question is: Will I be willing to do whatever it takes to empower him to take off the mask? Will you?