I recently watched a wife share her intense desire for her husband to pray with her on a regular basis. She was on the verge of tears as she described her painful longing for  spiritual intimacy in her marriage. Her husband, sitting next to her, was silent. I could feel every ounce of his pain. Why? Because I know what it is like to refuse to pray with my wife when she needs it most. What is the issue here? Shame. There is a shame-based lie that invades the minds of almost every husband that I know. It hisses, “You don’t have what it takes to lead your wife spiritually and to pray with her.” What a nasty lie!

I’ve learned a lot about this ridiculous lie over the years. The main thing is this: I may never mature to the point where I am not fearful about praying with my wife. The fear still hits me oftentimes. As I grab my wife’s hand, while sitting on our couch, and close my eyes, I can feel the anxiety. The lie whispers, “You are a fake, a poser, and she doesn’t respect you as a man of God.” But it is ALL a lie. None of it is true. 

And then I open my mouth and begin to pour out my heart to the Lord, thanking Him for His goodness, and interceding for my beautiful wife. And something happens. The voice of the liar disappears. God moves. And we both are impacted by the presence of the Lord.

We experience what our true hearts long for: intimacy with God and each other.

I had a prayer time with my wife a few days ago that I cannot shake. The eyes of my heart were opened in a new way to the power of leading my wife into God’s presence. God gave me a unique gift that I am grateful for.

I asked what was on her heart. She wanted us to pray for a painful situation with one of our four adult children. As always, I gently grabbed her hand, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened my mouth. I prayed a simple, childlike prayer. Nothing fancy. 

About 30 seconds into my prayer, I felt something softly hit the back of my right hand. It was a teardrop that had fallen from my wife’s beautiful eyes. I continued to pray. Another teardrop splashed on my hand. And then another and another. 

God was giving me a gift. He was allowing me to physically feel the impact that this simple prayer time was having on my wife’s heart. She needed this God encounter! She needed her husband to step up to the plate and be the powerful spiritual leader that God declares that I am. She needed me to denounce the shamed-based lie that I don’t have what it takes to pray with and for my wife. She needs me to be the man that she fell in love with: the powerful, loving, humble man that I am.

Our prayer time didn't last long. It didn’t need to.

God works quickly and powerfully when a husband obeys the Father and lives in his identity in Christ.

As for my wet hand, I didn’t want her tears to dry. I sat silently for a while until the tears slowly disappeared. But what has not vanished is a fresh vision for praying with my wife. Those tears are a reminder: I have what it takes to lead my wife into the transformational presence of God.

What about the shame-based lie that says I don’t have what it takes to pray for my wife? Well, I can promise you that it will not relent. It will most likely continue attacking me with a vengeance. And that’s ok. I can simply look down at the back of my hand and envision my wife’s tears, gently grab her hand, close my eyes, and speak humbly to my Father. And you can too.