Pain. We all feel it. And when it comes, we all work to get rid of it. I have recently been dealing with lower back pain. My oldest son was moving and I thought I was still 25. The couch wasn’t that heavy but then you add the mattress and the oversized chair and next thing you know you feel the dull ache in the lower back. It subsides with some Tylenol and an ice pack but the next morning it lets you know it is still there. And three weeks later, there are still signs of the havoc that was wrecked.

It can be the same in our relationships. One harsh word out of pride hurts a little but as the judgements continue, the pain starts to become constant. And it is very easy to retreat to a place of isolation to dull the pain.

Pain comes from the imbalance of the natural order of how a situation should be. In the case of my back, there is inflammation due to overexertion. My muscles were created to lift and support and as they are used, they tear and are rebuilt to be stronger. However, if I take them beyond that point, they can be damaged and the rebuilding takes longer. It is the same in our relationships. Too much damage and the rebuilding takes longer.

There are usually two ways that we handle pain. Normally we look to create an environment of healing, understanding that it takes time and care to nurse something back to balance. The pain is the reminder that we have to change the environment around the damaged area. But too often we simply look to numb the pain that we experience without making the change that results in healing.

What does that look like in our relationships? Do we make excuses for our prideful behavior and blame it on the other person? Do we ignore it and fill our time with busyness? Do we turn to something to cope with it like alcohol, drugs or porn?

True healing means that we find the balance of how God intended it to be

True healing means that we turn from the destructive behavior that we have been experiencing. True healing means that we find the balance of how God intended it to be. In our physical bodies that means time and nourishment. In our relationships it is the same. It may take time for a person to trust again and it takes us nourishing the relationship.

What does nourishing a relationship look like? First, ask yourself if you are dealing with any pride. Has your pride created difficulty in your relationship? Have you made judgements about someone that is creating friction? Or are you in a place of unforgiveness with that person? Repentance creates a healing environment. It destroys pride and allows for forgiveness. As it says in James 5:16

Therefore, confess yours sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.

So lean into the pain, don’t ignore it or try to just numb it. Pain isn’t always a bad thing, it is a great indicator that we need to bring our relationships back into balance.