I’ve witnessed hundreds of men over the years be transformed by being an active part of a SPAR group. When it comes to SPARing with other men, you have to experience it to really know what it is all about. It is much more than committing 90 minutes each week to a small band of brothers.

At the end of the SPAR meeting, it really isn’t about the honest sharing, the probing questions, or the skill of the SPAR leader. It is about the living God doing what we cannot do for ourselves. SPAR is always unique, always exciting, always satisfying. 

So here we go. I will do my best to communicate the top 12 benefits of consistently participating whole-heartedly in SPAR over the course of several blogs. Here are the first four benefits.

Benefit #1: A place to find your tribe.

Remember, man’s biggest problem is isolation. Genesis 3 tells us the end result of Adam’s screw-ups: “Adam saw his nakedness, became afraid, and hid.” Hiding is our real problem.

There are only two types of men on the planet: those that have brothers and those that don’t.

A SPAR group is different from most men’s small groups. The mark of a SPAR group is that it only works if men become brothers. Not friends, but brothers. There is a huge difference between the two. If you have struggled connecting deeply with other Christian men, welcome to SPAR!

It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. It all depends on how much energy you pour into the relationships and how gut-level honest you are willing to be. But whether it takes 60 days or 9 months to build your tribe, it will be worth it and life-changing. A SPAR meeting is really not at all about the meeting. It is all about the brothers!

Benefit #2: A place to bring everything into the light.

All men struggle with anger, lust, greed, fear, lies, insecurity, sadness, and more. This is a given. You struggle. I struggle. Your co-workers struggle. Your pastor struggles.

The only question is: Are you struggling alone? Put another way, do you have a band of brothers that gives you a safe place to dump EVERYTHING that is in your heart and soul? We are only as impotent as our secrets. 

There is a basic and life-changing promise in James 5:16. It says we are healed when we confess our sins to each other.  It is true. I’ve seen men transformed countless times by obeying this simple verse. But I’ve also realized that men will not step into the wonderful truth unless they have one thing: a genuine brotherhood.

Men will NOT confess their sins to male friends, only spiritual brothers.

I ask you, do you have real brothers?

Benefit #3 A place where your deception is finally exposed.

The nasty thing about deception is that you don’t know you are deceived. Right? But the truth of the matter is all of us can be duped. It is only a matter of time. What if you think you are loving your wife well, but the reality is that you are not? What if you believe that you have a healthy relationship with your teenage son, but you have been fooled?

 Life is good when we are seeing ourselves and our relationships as they really are. I want to live in the truth, what about you? This is where SPAR comes in powerfully in the life of a man. All it takes is one basic question from another brother, and boom! The veil is lifted. Blind eyes are opened.

Steve was struggling in his relationship with Sarah, his 15 year old daughter. He thought that the problem was her rebellion. But it was not. He was deceived. In SPAR the other day, Bill asked him, “What selfish expectations do you have of Sarah?” The Holy Spirit immediately went to work. Steve’s eyes were opened. He realized that he had been pressuring her to study more, do better, make straight A’s.

Sarah was drowning under the pressure and conditional love from her dad. She was starving for his affirmation. Finally Steve saw his sin. He asked Sarah to forgive him that evening for loving her poorly. Their relationship improved dramatically overnight. 

Steve needed his brothers to help him see what he could not see for himself. I am no different than Steve. What about you?

Benefit #4: A place to learn how to encounter God intimately and powerfully.

My favorite part of a SPAR meeting is the God encounter. Every SPAR meeting comes to that critical point where horizontal communication has served its purpose. It is now time to enter into the main thing: honestly cry out to Father God and listen eagerly for His still small voice.

Many men don’t know how to pray simply because they have not seen it modeled.

The prayer life of many church-going men is stiff and shallow. In SPAR men learn how to share their pain and anger with God, holding nothing back, knowing that He 100% accepts them. 

The other day Jason entered into the prayer of surrender. He had been struggling with his small business and realized that he was clinging to it. His business had become an idol. When he opened his mouth and surrendered both his finances and his business to God, something shifted in his heart. The fear was lifted and replaced with peace.

Last week Paul prayed the prayer of gratitude during a SPAR meeting. But his prayer was not the typical prayer of thanksgiving. In SPAR we take seriously the command to “in everything give thanks, rejoicing always.” We interpret this as being thankful for the good stuff as well as the painful things. Paul gave thanks for the pain in his marriage. This was a powerful display of his faith in God. 

This prayer also opened his eyes to what God was teaching him about loving his wife, and the powerful truth that Jesus is enough. When Paul opened his eyes, he was a different man, filled with renewed faith, fresh love for his wife, and hope for the future. 

Everything changes in the place of prayer when brothers are gathered together. This is what SPAR is all about.